A man has been left with what might be described as the world’s biggest splinter after a paragliding trip went disastrously wrong. The Belarusian man named Ivan Krasouski was gliding over a forest near the village of Loshany in Belarus when a strap broke and he was sent plummeting towards the trees.
Unfortunately, the situation went about as poorly as possible, and instead of breaking his fall the trees ended up skewering him like a man-shaped kebab.
The log impaled Ivan through the shoulder, and while emergency responders managed to cut him free from the remains of his glider they could do little for the branch stuck inside him so they were forced to transport him to the hospital, branch and all. Ivan even went so far as to pose for pictures while he waited for the branch to be removed. Speaking to local press he said,
“I was flying and crashed onto pine trees.
World's biggest splinter! Belarusian paraglider crashes into a forest and is left with a tree BRANCH sticking out of his shoulder but it doesn't seem to be worrying him much Ivan Krasouski, 36, was flying near the village of Loshany close to Minsk, Belarus https://t.co/f9noAtPktq— Market Savant (@MarketSavant) June 3, 2018
“I [remember] thinking: ‘I fell so softly, all is okay’. But as I went to stand up and go, something held me back.
“I looked and it was a giant log there.
“I tore my shirt and there was a branch in my arm, thick as a watermelon.
“My classmate arrived. He works as a rescuer.
“He sawed off the log from one side, then from the other. Many people came. I told them – ‘Take out this splinter’, and they would say ‘No, are you crazy? If we take it away, you’ll bleed to death.’”
Thankfully, Ivan has survived the whole ordeal and even had a great sense of humour during it. “I was like – ‘I am Groot!’,” he said. “And I went to the ambulance with this log embedded in me.”
I am Groot https://t.co/i9cxi7YS7c— Deborah Arthurs (@deboraharthurs) June 4, 2018
We’re glad Ivan managed to find it funny, if I woke up with a log inside me after plummeting to the ground in a near-death experience I’d probably be just a little less well-composed than Ivan. Still, I probably wouldn’t have gone paragliding in the first place.
But it does look like Ivan might have just broken the record for world’s largest splinter! Also, we’re sure there’s a joke in here somewhere about having a big piece of wood inside you, but it feels a bit lowbrow so we won’t actually come up with one. We just wanted you to know that we recognised the potential that was there.